The ultimate, “no-excuses guide to deciphering men
CAIRO: Are you considering asking him out? Do you spend too much time waiting for him to call? Is he avoiding making a commitment? Well, whether you re dating, divorced, or in any state open for relationships, there’s one phrase that will prevent you from enduring disappointment, heartache and self-doubt: He’s just not that into you.
Greg Behrendt is the go-to-guy for women who suffer from relationship trauma, both current and past-tense. He is the author of the international bestseller He s Just Not That Into You. He also was a writing consultant on HBO s Sex and the City where he met co-author Liz Tuccillo.
Behrendt s whole rap is basically to slap women, mostly upside the head, with a good solid dose of brutal honesty, with sentences the likes of Bad boys are actually bad and Your lost self-esteem may take longer to find than a new boyfriend, so prioritize accordingly. He likes to see himself as a brutally honest brother who says the things your friends can t.
Most likely the friends can t say this stuff because it is rude and overly obvious. That certainly seems to be the case in his responses to his readers’ letters.
When a reader writes to him for advice about a long-distance boyfriend who neglects to call, he responds: “Hey, Crazy Long Distance! The only distance that is bothering me is the very long distance between you and reality . A man who likes you wants to spend time with you. And he’ll only settle for talking to you on the phone five times a day when he physically can’t get on a plane to come to see you.
If your boyfriend is still hesitant about marrying you because he’s “just not ready and feels like you’re rushing him, Behrendt advises: “He’s right. Why rush? It’s only been five years. He’s going to know you so much better after 10. And you have all the time in the world, right? You know, in case after 10 years he decides he’s still not ready. I hate to tell you this, but here’s why he feels rushed: He’s still not sure you’re the one.
He cautions that this is the excuse men use most often, “I’m not ready. “You women must enjoy it, he goads, “because you [wait around] so much of the time, which is ironic to me, since you’re the ones with the biological clocks that are supposedly ticking away.
Tucillo tries to soften the blow by reminding women that spending time with the wrong man only means they re wasting precious time that could be spent waiting – not searching, because according to Behrendt, if he’s in to you he’ll be doing the pursuing – for Mr. Right.
After Behrendt devastates readers with the seemingly brutal truth about men, Tucillo offers support by reminding readers with what women have had to put up with all these years.
But Tuccillo agrees with Behrendt’s slap-in-the-face approach. I think everyone should have [Greg] in their head yelling at them, I m better than this. I m better than the way he treats me. He s just not that into me, she said during a televised interview.
Along with the harsh advice, the authors offer a glimpse of “This is what it really should look like, along with a few simplistic workbook exercises to really hammer in the advice. Despite leaving some emotional bruises, the witty, light-hearted style of writing and occasional flattery helps ease the painful reality.
It may be brutal to read, but it sure gets the message across quickly and effectively. And there’s absolutely no leeway for second-guessing his advice. After all, our way hasn’t been working out. It’s up to us to read the signs, because according to the guide to understanding men, “A man would rather be trampled by elephants that are on fire than tell you that he’s just not that into you. -AN
If you want to learn more read:He’s Just Not That Into YouBy Greg Behrendt & Lix TuccilloPublished by Element, Harper Collins Publishers, 2005Available at Diwan bookstore (LE 69)